not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Randomize
