thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Randomize
