Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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