no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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