capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
