Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
