Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Is it penis luge time yet?
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
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