I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Randomize
