This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
