So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Randomize
