So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize