I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
