TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
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