I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
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