A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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