I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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