the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Randomize
