We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
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