I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
