a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
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