friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize
