Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
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