Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Randomize
