i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
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