ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Randomize
