guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Randomize
