she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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