We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Randomize
