You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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