...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
