when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
They took my balls.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize