SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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