Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
