Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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