We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
