I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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