I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
