After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
