I hope mine doesn't look like that
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
