Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
