What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
