you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
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