you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Randomize
