it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
