remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Randomize
