Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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