i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
