i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
