To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
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