I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Randomize
