i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
did i walk over a car last night?
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Randomize
