I'm sorry my penis didn't work
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
