I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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