Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
