can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Randomize
