@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Randomize
