i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
