i just wanna soil my oats bro
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
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