I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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