I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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