I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize