Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
True strength comes from lack of pants
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Randomize
