UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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