what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
